


Agent Shadow

by MultiverseQueen



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Lost Love, Romance, Torture, Violence, other stuff, read warnings at the beginning of chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-03-20 17:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3658182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultiverseQueen/pseuds/MultiverseQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bloodied woman had barely made her way into the lobby of Avengers Tower when she collapsed, blood pooling at her side. The receptionist screamed for help as the security staff closed in on the body. The infirmary staff took her up. "Please, he has to be here, tell him..." she mumbled to the doctor on call at the tower who was applying pressure to the wounds in her abdomen. He barely listened as her vitals dropped and she fell into unconsciousness...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Safe

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, yeah you reader, um this was a random inspiration and will probably contain a butt load of different topics but I don't wanna put tags because, well, spoilers. So if you are gonna keep on reading next installments please be aware of any warnings I put.   
> Enjoy and you are more than welcome to leave feedback or hate or whatever you're into. Have a nice day person :)  
> Chapter 1 WARNING: medical lingo and some details on injuries nothing too gross I promise.

A bloodied woman had barely made her way into the lobby of Avengers Tower when she collapsed, blood pooling at her side. The receptionist screamed for help as the security staff closed in on the body. The infirmary staff took her up. "Please, he has to be here, tell him..." she mumbled to the doctor on call at the tower who was applying pressure to the wounds in her abdomen. He barely listened as her vitals dropped and she fell into unconsciousness...

"Dr. Banner the medical staff require assistance, a woman in her mid twenties collapsed in the lobby, she has sustained injuries from both stabbings and gun shots in her abdomen and limbs. Her vitals are dropping quickly and has lost at least 2 liters of blood. Your assistance is required as soon as possible Sir." said JARVIS into the speakers of Bruce's office as he quickly made his way to the elevator.

"JARVIS tell them I'm on my way, to have scrubs ready. What is her blood type and do we have blood for transfusions?" asked Bruce in his doctor voice, this wasn't the shy physicist who enjoyed time with Tony in the lab working in R&D and proving theories. This was the trained doctor who saved lives in India and many other places where he had volunteered whilst trying to stay under the SHIELD radar.

"The scrubs are ready, the blood type indicator shows that she is O-, unfortunately the blood bank only has one bag available and with her rapid deterioration it won't be enough. I have scanned through the medical records of the tower staff and only four people match her blood type, two of them are unsuitable for her, of the other two one has a cold and the other one is Agent Barton. How should I proceed?" JARVIS asked.

"Is Barton disease free? If he is send him to the infirmary immediately and have his blood ready for transfusion, I hope he skipped breakfast today..." Bruce asked after a moments hesitation, he didn't really want to call on Barton but this woman had lost a lot of blood and until he assessed her himself he would take all the precautions necessary.

"Yes Dr Banner." JARVIS answered as Bruce washed his hands and got ready to enter the operation theater that Stark had built after the invasion. He wanted the tower to be equipped for any emergency, it also allowed Bruce to not rust his medical training and keep helping people instead of only being a slave to his lab work, he got to swing by the clinic in the tower that sometimes offered free medical procedures as part of Stark Industries solidarity program.

"Whats the patients status?" Bruce asked as he entered the room swirling with action, nurses pressing wounds to stop hemorrhages, the two doctors at each side of the table trying to take care of the deadliest injuries, instruments rattled as trays were brought and taken away as bullets were extracted and suture equipment was brought. The beeping of her heart monitor was what alarmed Bruce, her heart rate was teetering on the edge of full on cardiac arrest. He got to work on her lower abdomen where a nurse was having trouble with a jagged stab wound, Bruce sighed and knew this was going to be a close one. She was a smallish woman, her hair looked black matted in dry blood but he saw that its natural color was a gold stricken chestnut brown. Her face was beautiful, even with the stains of dirt, blood and tears. Bruce wondered who on Earth was this woman? He shook off his thoughts and kept his head on his work.

7 hours of surgery later...

Bruce collapsed in a bed in the medical wing, he was exhausted after the long surgery and a very inconsistent week of interrupted sleep he was ready to get some deserved shut eye; he hadn't been asleep for more than an hour when there came a rap on the door. Clint opened the door with one elbow creased upwards holding the cotton in place from the vain they had tapped for the blood transfusion. Bruce groaned slightly irritated, his sleep deprived self was cranky, he had to be careful with that.

"Yes? What do you need Clint I really need to sleep..." Bruce said whilst a huge yawn erupted from his tired self. 

"I just wanted to know how the person whose life I saved today is doing." Clint said in a cocky voice, obviously teasing the doctor who had been elbow deep in guts for hours to save the nameless woman.  

"I should actually go check on mystery woman, you can come with if you want, after that leave me alone though I need to sleep." Bruce said as they made their was to the small ICU. The walls and the rooms were all pristine white and oddly calming, they also didn't smell like the disturbingly pungent disinfectant that normal hospitals used. This was one of the things that Bruce was secretly proud of having invented, odorless and 48% more effective at cleaning than anything other hospitals had. Stark was starting distribution in a couple of months. Bruce stopped in front of the glass viewing wall that resembled a fish tank, both of them could see the whole room. Right in the middle lay the woman, a breathing tube lodged down her throat was the only thing attached to her face, everything else was under a thermal blanket that was placed to try and regulate her body temperature because of the massive blood loss, at her side the blood bags. Bruce grabbed the clipboard with all the notes the nurses had taken, he made a note to ask all of the local hospitals for some blood just in case there were any complications, Bruce knew there would be. The wound that had him worried the most was the one on her spleen, at this point he wasn't sure she would make it though the night without her left lung collapsing or her kidneys failing. It was only until Clint drew in a sharp breath that Bruce looked over at him. 

Clint looked like he was ready to hurl, his skin clammy and pale, his knuckles white as tears escaped his eyes. Clint fell to his knees as Bruce panicked and asked him what the matter was. 

Clint shook his head and in a whisper said:

"Her name is Jane Elizabeth Singer, born October 10th 1989 in Lawrence, Kansas. Father Robert J. Singer, mother Mary Alice Singer, no siblings. Her favorite color is sky blue, her eyes are green with flecks of gold. Oh God, oh God, oh God..." Clint said trembling whilst Bruce tried to make sense of what he was saying.

"You know her?" Bruce knew it was a dumb question but he was dumbfounded,he couldn't help it. 

"She was going to be my wife." Clint said before he finally broke down completely.


	2. Flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: implied miscarriage in this chapter... if you have any problems or bad memories or ANYTHING at all PLEASE STOP READING NOW! I know how horribly scarring an experience like this can be so please be aware!

Clint refused to move more than five feet from the door of Jane's room, his sobs had settled down and Bruce was trying to get the whole story, Clint's confession had caused riots in his brain and he was trying to make sense of it all. Clint's eyes were glazed over like he was submerged in his own world of memories, choking at both painful and happy memories.

_His hand intertwined with hers, laying back on one of the meadows by the creek, her face rosy from the sun, a smile bright on her face as the sun ruffled her hair and sundress..._

"She was my girlfriend when I was just starting out as an agent, she got in it because of me, her code name was Agent Shadow. She and I became partners in the field as well, we trained together, lived together, I knew it from like the third date she was the one..." Clint stopped talking as the memory of the last time he had seen her flashed through his brain, breaking his heart all over again.

_They were positioned outside the facility they were about to storm, they were snipers, but Clint was called in, apparently there had been a problem inside. She had told him to be careful, he got cocky and got up too fast from his position Jane had seen the glint of a riffle and got up in front of Clint. He thought it was a hug until she shuddered and grunted with pain. He got her to a covered spot. "Oh God Jane I'm so fucking sorry, are you ok?" he said trying to get a better look at her bullet wound, it had gone straight through barely missing her hip bone. "I'm sorry Clint..." she whispered as tears fell down her face. "Shh babydoll it's all right, I need to go in and help, I'll call someone in to get you ok?" he said speaking into his earpiece and kissing her head._

_"Agent Shadow is down assistance required, I'm going in, what is the ETA on the med team?"  Clint spoke quickly, the voice in his earpiece answered "Five minutes". The shot wasn't deadly, at least not immediately, so he entered the building to help the men inside. There was a huge explosion, but Clint had been at the other end of the facility which meant he missed the worst of the debris that got scattered. The hydra men escaped from the other side, the mission had ended with Clint getting the files they needed. He got out and went over to the SHIELD ambulance to find that Jane was not there... That was the last he had seen of her..._

"Bruce, please tell me she's gonna be alright, I've already lost her once and it almost killed me. Bruce please..." Clint's voice broke as tears fell from his eyes, his head was bound low. He tried to look up but his gaze would set on the equipment that was monitoring Jane and the lump on his throat would appear again and the sorrow would press his head down in sorrow once more. Bruce knew that he couldn't say the words to comfort his friend; as devastating as it is he wouldn't allow Clint to build false hope on a future that may never come. 

"Clint, I can't say anything for sure... she got hurt real bad and I really hope she makes it through tonight. One thing is for sure though, she is a fighter, the CCTV cameras around the tower and nearby streets showed that she had made her way here... Right now, she is fighting and I really hope she makes it through tonight without complications..." Bruce said truthfully, he put a hand on Clint's shoulder in an attempt to provide some comfort. Clint grabbed his shirt's collar and said in a low growl.

"You are going to do whatever it takes to keep her alive, ANYTHING understand me? She is the most precious thing I have ever had and I can't... I can't... I can't..." Clint let go of Bruce's collar and put his hands to his face as another wave of grief washed through his brain.

"Clint the only promise I can make is that I will do everything I can to save her. I promise to try my damn hardest for you, but I can't let you get your hopes up. You are my friend and I need you to understand this ok." Bruce said startled but his eyes were soft with understanding. He could only imagine the grief in Clint's heart, his loved one being brought back from the dead only to be dangled in front of the Grim Ripper right before his eyes. Bruce was worried about the possibility of Jane not making it and what Clint might do if worst comes to worst... He shook that thought and went to check in on her vitals. Right at that moment he decided; Jane was going to live. No. Matter. What...

Clint started rocking back and forth as another memory struck him:

_He had gotten back from the second wave of searches for Jane, he was desperate, he was in his house by direct orders of Fury. "Go home and sleep, we need you in your right mind so we can find Agent Shadow, she will be found." Fury had been stern, but he had put a hand on Clint's shoulder a sympathetic gesture that not many had the honor of receiving. Clint had gotten home to find an envelope on his dinner table, He immediately checked the whole house and found nothing. He approached the envelop carefully, dreading the fact that it had the HYDRA seal on it. Grabbing a pair of gloves from the kitchen he opened it carefully and found a HYDRA letter. It simply read: " **An eye for an eye** " Clint exploded in rage calling SHIELD telling them to come right then. Clint knew this was a reference to the high level HYDRA official Jane had taken down the week before, the mission they were in the day she had disappeared was a result of the intelligence she had compiled in the weeks she had spent in Germany. He ran to the bathroom suddenly violently sick at the thought of the woman he loved being killed by HYDRA. Tears fell from his eyes as he remembered the diamond ring stuffed in his underwear drawer. Once more, he doubled over the toilet and as he moved his hand to flush he noticed something on the top part of the toilet. He remembered that she had been a bit late to get out of the bathroom the morning of the mission, her eyes were a bit red around the rims, he had asked her what the matter was and she had simply said "Allergies." as she kissed his cheek and grabbed her bag to leave. After making this connection he also remembered her apologizing for getting shot, he hadn't understood why she would apologize for a wound to her pelvis. Clint's hand grabbed the thing _ _and examined it before erupting into a sob._

_In his hands lay a positive pregnancy test._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo what do you think?


	3. I never gave up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: strong language, mentions of suicide and implied torture.

3 days had passed and Bruce was starting to feel a little bit more optimistic about Jane's recovery, he had decided to keep her in an induced coma so her body could rest and heal. By this time all the other Avengers found out, Tony secured the whole floor making sure that the staff that was around Jane were trustworthy and capable; Steve brought flowers and reassured Clint that everything was going to be all right. Natasha had been at Clint's side since she found out, she had been the only one that got him to eat and sleep at least a little bit. That afternoon Clint had been sitting at her side in the recliner, whispering to her; at times it was memories that he had of their times together, other times they were apologies, a string of never ending regret and guilt.

At the time of her disappearance and the HYDRA letter there was absolutely no reason why HYDRA would even bother to keep her alive, Clint knew there was no way in all hell that she would ever give them any information. Jane was fiercely loyal and hated HYDRA from a very young age, her grandfather had been part of the 107th one of the few men Captain America had been too late to save. She had grown up with stories of Captain America from the men who had known her grandfather, she admired Captain Rogers, one of the things that Clint whispered to her with a faint smile was that she was getting flowers and visits from her favorite superhero. Clint had known she would rather die than let HYDRA know anything, this is why Clint thought, like everyone else that Agent Shadow had been killed in action. He had been so guilty, he guessed that Jane had gone in after him when the facility exploded. She must have gone around the back side, running into the HYDRA agents, no doubt she tried to fight them off; she had already been hit and was probably an easy target for them. 

"I'm so sorry Jane, I thought you were killed, I thought you were gone forever... I can't describe how bad it got without you, every time I heard a woman's voice, or brown hair I would turn always trying to see if by some miracle it was you. I couldn't see any of your things without getting myself worked up and trashing everything, I told Fury to give me targets so I could kill every single one of the fuckers that took you away from me. It got so bad I thought about ending it all... finishing a mission and just jumping of the ledge of a building. Thats when Fury assigned a partner to me, at first I was so pissed off, no one, absolutely no one could take your place beside me. But Natasha understood me, she got me through the worst telling me that the best way to honor your memory was to fight every day for you. She is the only one that I ever told the whole story to..." Clint stopped when a choking sound came from Jane's throat, she was choking and he went into a panic.

"BRUCE, NURSE, SOMEONE NOW!" he screamed into the hall as Jane's cheeks started to flush and kept on choking. Clint prayed to every God know to mankind, he wasn't ready, he couldn't loose her again not ever again. Bruce got in running and examined her, breathing a sigh of relief he got the breathing tube out of her throat allowing her, for the first time since the operation to breath on her own. Clint looked at Bruce for answers to questions he couldn't choke out through the lump in his throat.

"She is rejecting the breathing tube, meaning her body wants to take over the manual breathing process, I have been waning down the medication that is keeping her asleep so that she can wake up for short periods. I really need to make sure that no nerves have permanent damage and that she hasn't lost any motor functions. I also think you need to take it slow, she might not remember a thing, or she could remember everything. When she comes to, you need to be calm and keep her calm we still have a long way to go..." Bruce said looking Clint straight in the eye, making sure that he understood the implications of Jane's situation and the precautions that he had to take.

About 3 hour later her fingers and eyelids started fluttering giving Clint a small heart attack. He had promised to call Bruce as soon as she started to wake up, he grabbed his phone and told him,never taking his eyes away from her beautiful face. Bruce arrived just as her head twitched and her eyelids parted showing her gold flecked emerald irises. She closed her eyes and opened them again in a slow blink, she tried to sit up a bit, but her movement pulled on several stitches and she grunted as tears fell from her eyes. Bruce pushed her gently onto the bed trying to get her not to move.

"Tell me I got to the tower, where am I, please tell me I'm safe. I can't go back, tell me I got to the tower..." her eyes were wide with panic looking at Bruce trying to make sense of her situation through her drug hazed mind. She had seen there was someone else in the room and guessed who it was but decided to keep calm even though her heart got a bit faster and the heart rate monitor protested.

"Hello Ms. Singer, I am Dr. Banner, you are safe in the Avenger's Tower medical wing. You were hurt real bad and need to stay still ok? I'm going to check your eyes with this pen ok, I need you to follow the light." Bruce started the routine check ups making sure everything was all right. All the while Clint had stepped back towards the recliner, his heart beat fast from the adrenaline rush of listening to her voice. Tears fell from his eyes when she had asked if she was safe. There was no doubt in his mind now, they had hurt her, probably tortured her. He would make them pay.

"Everything looks good now tell me about yourself, everything you can remember." Bruce said studying her carefully and trying not to pay too much attention to Clint who had sat up a bit to look at her.

"My name is Jane Elizabeth Singer, born October 10th 1989 in Lawrence, Kansas. My daddy's name was Robert Joseph Singer and my momma's name was Mary Alice Singer. I was a SHIELD Agent for three years, code name Agent Shadow, they called me that cause me and my partner would always be together, I was his shadow... My partner was Agent Clint Barton they had a nickname I can't remember, he was a cocky son of a bitch and I love him. I saw you Clint, ain't gonna say a word to me?" she said with her southern twang that made Clint's heart ache with happiness, he had though he'd never hear it again. He knelt next to the bed, trying to stay calm like Bruce had warned him but it was hard when he was given back the missing piece of his soul. 

"Clint look at me... please I haven't seen your face in so long..." she whispered with tears in her eyes, he looked at her with tears flowing endlessly and the first genuine smile he had shown since he recognized her in the bed. He took her hand and kissed her fingers gently. Bruce quietly left the room and stayed outside just in case something happen, of course he looked away from the scene knowing that this was one of the most intimate moments in Clint's life. He smiled knowing that Clint deserved a break after everything that had happen with Loki messing with his mind and the invasion of New York. He was a good guy and it was about time the universe gave something back to him. Back inside the room Jane was smiling faint and tired.

"I never gave up, cause I hoped every fucking day that when I got out of that hell hole I was stuck in I would find you and I could take your hand again. You kept me alive through the worst. And I prayed every single day that you wouldn't do some dumb shit to get yourself killed." she said in her accent trying to get the words out. "I love you..." she fell into unconsciousness before he could say it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts?


	4. Begin Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: strong language, powerful fluff and unbearable cutesies.

"Well, everything looks good Jane, how are you feeling?" Bruce asked smiling at his patient. He liked her, these past few weeks he had had the chance to get to know her; whenever Clint was in the bathroom or getting her food she would make small talk with Bruce, always starting with a thank you for his help. 

"Just peachy doc, the only thing that I really need is to stretch and go for a walk..." She looked at him with what Clint used to call 'Bambi eyes' she would widen her eyes and inject them with all the innocence she could, a mix between kicked puppy and orphaned child. Nobody could ever say no to her when she made that face, Clint even suspected that Director Fury had succumbed to her charms and thats how he allowed her to go to Germany. Bruce laughed a bit at her expression, she had been a good patient, she had been heeling faster than expected and there had only been one scare.

_One night in the second week she had been at the tower she had tried to adjust her position on the bed, her system had been so pumped up with medication and probably used to the pain inflicted by her captors that she didn't feel the pull on one of her stitched up injuries. It was later that Clint woke up to go to the bathroom that he looked over at her and panicked, the suture she had pulled started bleeding under the sheet that covered her so the only thing Clint saw was a spreading red stain at her side. He called Bruce who was there in record time, Clint had gotten so pale, he thought this was it. The complication that Bruce had warned him about, the thing that would take her away from him for good this time. He prayed to every god known to mankind, begged the universe for mercy and tried not to faint. Bruce exhaled in relief and Clint looked at him sharply, his eyes made the question that he could not force through the lump in his throat._

_"She must have rolled over too quickly and pulled on her stitches, she'll be all right one I patch her up. Breathe Clint she'll be ok." Bruce reassured Clint as he regained some ability to murmur a small thank you._

"I'd say you are clear to go for a walk as long as you don't try and do too much ok?" Bruce said warning her about doing too much too soon. Boy was she happy, she had never been one to stay still for too long, she was also sick of feeling useless. Clint was so overprotective that he wouldn't let her do anything, he even tried to feed her like a baby, that had pissed her off.

_He had taken her bowl of oatmeal and tried to feed it to her like she was a baby, he even made the airplane noise. She looked him dead in the eye and said:_

_"Clinton Francis Barton, if you do not give me back my fucking oatmeal I will get off this goddamn bed and kick your cute ass." she said as he gave her back her bowl. He knew that she would get up off the bed, even if she hurt herself, she was stubborn that way. It drove him crazy but it was also one of the things that had caught his eye._

_"Do I at least get to blow on it so you don't burn your mouth?" he asked with his cheeky grin, laughing as she rolled her eyes and bit her lip so she wouldn't giggle. Taking advantage of his distraction, she bent her plastic spoon full of oatmeal and catapulted it so it hit his forehead. He turned to her surprised and then faked his anger as she laughed and laughed at his reaction._

Jane got off the bed carefully and put on a nice pair of sweatpants and a cardigan, sweeping her hair up into a ponytail and slipping on her shoes she was ready to go. She got out of the bathroom Clint looked at her and smiled as did Bruce. 

"Where would you like to go?" Clint asked and found Jane at a loss for words... she just wanted to walk, she hadn't put too much thought into where...

"I believe this is where I come in? Hi, I'm Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist and your tour guide for today." Tony said with a wink as he gave her a Teddy bear with one of those helium 'Get Well Soon!' balloons. Clint and Bruce sighed and rolled their eyes in unison. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Stark, thank you so much for helping me and allowing me to stay here." Jane said as she shook his hand, and put the Teddy bear on the bed. Clint's mouth twitched at the contrast in her interactions with people, her momma had raised her right, she made sure she was always composed and acted like a lady, but when she got pissed boy could she swear like a sailor. 

"Please, call me Tony and you have nothing to thank for really, saving lives is everyday for me." Tony said with a wink at Bruce who shook his head and laughed, he had been working with Tony for so long that his jokes were becoming funny. This worried Bruce, maybe he needed to go out a bit more....

"If you guys would follow me please, we will start the tour right this way." Tony said beginning the tour. They spent the most time in the R&D department, Tony's pride and joy, she had a basic understanding of most of the things Stark said, but after a while she just nodded along. They went to the very top of the tower that was designed to provide a 360 view of the city that surrounded the tower, Clint had grabbed her hand and interlaced his fingers with hers, being careful not to touch the place where the IV had been connected. She leaned against him and breathed in. For a moment she thought she was hallucinating again. She knew that if this was a dream and she woke up in the cell again she would not make it this time. But this felt real, this felt right. They continued the tour to the Avenger's floor where Steve was on the couch in the living area. 

"Capsicle, meet Birdman's special lady friend." Tony said catching Steve's attention. He turned aroung and Clint smiled knowing that Jane would be happy. She looked at Steve who approached her with a warm smile and Clint swore he saw Jane pinch herself. He coughed a bit to muffle the sound of his laughter; Jane looked up at him her excitement in her eyes made Clint smile again. 

"It's nice to finally meet you in person Ms. Singer, my name's Steve Rogers I hope you liked the flowers I left for you ma'am." Steve said politely and Jane's eyes looked up at him star struck. 

"Please, call me Jane and it's my pleasure Steve. Thank you so much for the flowers, I should have know better than to think it had been Clint." she said with a smile knowing that Clint had stopped laughing to stare at her. Food had been called in and while they waited Jane went to stare out the window. Clint grabbed her hip and pressed her  next to him carefully. 

"You have been away from me a bit too long, I don't want to be away from you any more than I need to." He said kissing the top of her head, she pressed herself into a hug putting her head on his chest.

"I get to begin life again. I get a second chance with my favorite superhero." She said knowing what it meant to hear those words. 

"I thought your favorite was Captain America..." he said looking at her.

"He's got nothing on Hawkeye." she said in his ear before kissing his cheek. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was almost done with this chapter when my computer screen went blue and Windows 8 decided to be a bitch. I didn't particularly enjoy the irony with the tittle of the chapter, I had to fucking begin again.


	5. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: feels and torture

Clint had woken up startled by the beeping of Jane's heart rate monitor, her heartbeat was fast and he could see her twitch and thrash at the covers that enveloped her. The monitors had set off the automatic warning on Bruce's pager, immediately concerned he made his way to her room noticing her eyelids fluttering but remaining closed; her arms had wrapped themselves around her shoulders. Bruce thought this could be a nightmare, tears fell from her eyes as she turned on her side and folded herself into fetal position. Clint watched in horror knowing what she felt, after Loki had messes with his mind he had had the worst nightmares of his life, vivid, intense and devastating. Now, he watched helplessly as Jane was consumed by a horror that he couldn't fight off or even attempt to comfort her from. He yearned to press himself against her, wrap his arms and reassure her that everything was all right. Bruce debated on what he should do, he didn't want to wake her up too suddenly, her heart beat at such a high speed that startling her might make it worst. But the way she moved and thrashed had already pulled on the IV and threatened to reopen her stitched up injuries. He didn't have to think about it much longer when she relaxed, her eyelids slowed and stilled. Her arms stayed wrapping themselves over her midsection. After a couple minutes Bruce carefully place his hands on her shoulder and delicately woke her up. She exhaled sharply and braced herself, a force of habit from year of being under HYDRA's experimental program, she braced herself thinking she would get dragged to that torture table in the humid cellar...

"Jane you are safe, are here in Avenger's Tower with me and Clint. Open your eyes when you are ready, you are safe here with us." Bruce said in his most soothing voice, she didn't look up, she didn't register what he said, instead she started mumbling to herself.

"They want another test to make more assets, I am the first successful version of the enhancement program. They needed to break me and let it fix me again so they could break me." she said as tears streaked her face. "I don't want to go back. They need to break me again, so much red, so much red, so much red..." Jane's sobs cut her off and Clint couldn't hold off anymore, she was hurting and he had promised the day he told her he loved her that he would protect her. So far, Clint knew he had a lot to make up for, he was going to start to fix it now. He grabbed her hand and started rubbing the back of it, Jane looked at him eyes wine with horror, scared like he had never seen before. He looked her straight in the eye and slowly caressed her cheek. Bruce was lost in thought as he tried to piece together what Jane had just said, the words that started haunting him were 'test' and 'enhancement' he left the room to go study her file again. Lost in thought he closed the door behind him.

"You are safe with me." Clint said. Jane moved to the far side of the bed, making space for Clint to lay next to her, right now the only thing she needed was comfort. She had spent two years in a hell hole dreaming that she would come back to the arms of her man, the arms that were now gently pressing her against him. Her nightmare had brought back memories of the days she would get tortured, all these memories had been suppressed partly by the constant presence of medication in her system and partly because her brain was overloaded with sensations and feelings. She relaxed into him and let herself cry what she had bottled up, she never let herself break down crying in front of the HYDRA men, never. Clint moved his hands rubbing her back and pressing his cheek to her hair after kissing the top of her hair. The memories and sobbing had tired her out enough to fall asleep; Clint's arms reassured her and let her brain rest feeling safe and nightmare free. Clint closed his eyes and rested with, but his heart was heavy with guilt, his Jane was hurting and he felt it was his fault all over again. 

When they both woke up JARVIS paged Bruce and he got in the room with a smile and a polite 'Good morning!'. He looked at all the monitors and checked for any anomalies in the readings. He was searching for anything that might help him put the puzzle pieces together, he was fairly sure HYDRA had experimented on her and he was not going to take any chances with weird serums whose side effect were unknown to him.

"Bruce, thank you for helping me yesterday, I'm sorry I woke you up. You need your sleep and I hate being a burden to you..." Jane truly felt awfully guilty now that the shadows underneath Bruce's eyes were becoming more prominent.

"Jane you are my patient and it is my duty and pleasure to help you when you need it. Now stop your nonsense and let me check that you didn't hurt yourself last night." Bruce said as he got to work and checked her injuries, nothing had ripped or anything and they were looking more healed than he expected. He noted this and added it to his file of clues in his brain. As he took a closer look at her body he started to notice micro scaring all around, they had all heeled over, they were faint scratches just a shade paler than her actual skin tone. All of those scars had been done with a knife, Bruce noted in disgust, the lines were clean, cut with purpose and strategically placed to cause the most pain. He knew that Jane was going to have to open up about this, but it didn't have to be right now. She was scarred, he knew it for sure now, both emotionally and physically. Clint looked away when he saw the trail of scars, he knew all too well what had made them, but he didn't know the why. Bruce motioned for Clint to follow him outside.

"I'm gonna grab a bite to eat do you want anything special?" Clint asked smiling a small smile, Jane nodded.

"Surprise me" is all she replied looking away.

Once Bruce and Clint were outside the room Bruce started talking, "I'm going to run some more tests to make sure that whatever they did to her doesn't take us by surprise. She healed quicker than normal but not fast enough to draw attention, she has a slightly raised temperature, I though this was just a result of her body heeling... now I'm not so sure. These were the first men to attempt to replicate Cap's serum, I know first hand the effects that doing it wrong can have on the body. I will try and figure it out, for now you need to work on healing her mind. She has gone through an extremely traumatic experience and it's your job to try and help her through just like Natasha got you through the worst of Loki's scramble."

"I don't think wacking her head will help her" Clint said trying to joke even though his eyes stayed sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Any suggestions?


	6. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mentions of suicide, miscarriage and use of medical lingo. Read at your own discretion.

16 weeks, it took her 16 weeks to heal completely...  Bruce had been studying her file for 9 weeks and so far could not isolate the serum that was injected in Jane's body. According to Clint and her old med file from SHIELD, she was the same height, about 30 pounds under her normal weight and had a slight case of Leukocytosis (higher than normal white blood cell count). The only problem with this was that all of those factors had a normal biological explanation, she had been held captive by HYDRA, that was where she probably lost the weight and her white blood cell level was at 13000 instead of the normal range that is between 5000 to 10500 leukocytes in a micro-liter of blood; this Bruce attributed to her body fighting possible infections and prolonged periods of stress. He had personally tested every blood sample and tracked her progress, she had healed completely, gotten back to her healthy weight range and was ready to be discharged three times faster than someone with the injuries she had sustained. But her blood sample looked nothing like Steve's, or even Bruce's for that matter. He wished he had another sample of Steve's blood, but Cap had already agreed to just one sample, he was now all the way in DC on SHIELD duty with Nat. Jane's serum was the mystery that kept Bruce up at night, a high white blood cell concentration could be an indicator of leukemia, which her healing ability was keeping at bay, that was his theory at least. Every time he would go in and test the sample for signs of leukemia, infections or anything else; all the results were negative, it was both a relief for Bruce but also a frustration, if he could find and abnormality produced by a chemical he knew or some sort of indicator of the funky mix within her, he could at least be reassured that he would know what he would have to face. He had been having periodic nightmares, Jane dying, suddenly and unexpectedly because of something that he missed in her blood work; Clint angry at him for failing her would kiss her forehead and jump off the balcony. Bruce more often than not would wake up sweating on his desk where he had fallen asleep with a back ache and a speeding heart.

He was ready to call in reinforcements when one of the results caught his eye, the white blood cell count had been decreasing by 100 units for the last three days. Huh. What had she done differently in the last three days? He would ask her in the morning, he brushed his teeth and zombied his way to the bed. He hoped that this was the key to unlocking this problem. 

Meanwhile, Clint and Jane were packing up whatever Jane had in her infirmary room, she had finally been given the stamp of approval by Dr. Banner to move into Clint's apartment. She still had to go in and get monitored every day but she wasn't going to question the doctor's orders, especially if it meant being out of the room and enjoying more of her new home. Clint took her bag in one hand and extended the other, for her to take it and guide her through to their new place. Jane took his hand and smiled, she was ready to be alive again, to rediscover Clint, to make a new home for them, but a darker thought came into her mind, she needed to tell him...

Clint was like a kid in a candy store, all he could think about since he got her back was this moment. After weeks and weeks of suspense and a hard but speedy recovery his Jane was ready to come back to him, to be with him in his bed where he could hold her through nightmares. He was going to wake up every single day next to her and be grateful to whomever allowed him a second chance, he was going to be grateful for every second he was given back. Opening the door for her he let her go in ahead and explore his apartment, it was modern, but it had a hint of Clint, Jane noticed with a smile the big leather couch, when they had lived together he had seen one like that in a home decoration magazine but it had been ridiculously overpriced and their home was a bit small for such a large item. Jane had never told him but she was saving some of the money and putting it into a savings account; she was in charge of paying the bills back then, Clint would go grocery shopping and either do the laundry or dishes, she would cook cause Clint had given her food poisoning once. She had decided that food poisoning was an experience not worth repeating ever again.  She sat on the couch and smiled, they may have changed since her kidnapping, but deep down Clint was still the man from Iowa that had stolen her heart. 

"Want anything to drink? I've been stalking up on Dr. Pepper for you..." He said smiling at her. Yeah, she owned up to it that maybe, before she may have had a slightly mild Dr. Pepper addiction, whatever. It was not a big deal really. 

"Yes please!" Jane said eagerly whilst Clint chuckled, it was things like these that he had missed, yeah Natasha and him had grown to be close and know each other's likes and habits, but they had never been intimate and open in the way Jane and him had been together. Natasha knew the whole story about Jane and what had happen; in return Natasha had opened up to him about her past, these two broken individuals had found comfort and companionship with each other, but it never crossed into romantic love. The both mourned losses too great and thats what had kept them as a team, Natasha was in DC with Steve, taking care of SHIELD business and he knew she was giving him space. Now, Clint was whole again. He sat next to her, grabbing her hand and interlacing his fingers, he couldn't keep from touching her, he still felt like he was trying to touch a ghost. She smiled weakly trying to gather her thoughts, she had to confess everything she had heard in the HYDRA cellars and everything that had happen. He had a right to know, he needed to know in order to start this love all over again, Jane told herself that before she took a deep steadying breath and started talking.

"When they took me they injected me with a bunch of crap, they were trying to replicate what Captain America got but, in a smaller more commercial scale, they wanted to create assets, the best trained soldiers would get injected to make sure they could heal quicker and perform better, but not so much they couldn't fly under the radar, or if examined there would be any traces left to replicate. I got the last couple of tries before they perfected it." tears rolled down her cheeks and she was starting to get choked up, but she knew she had to get it out now or she would never be able to. "The way they worked their routine would be tests in the morning then torture and then injection at night. I would heal overnight and they would test me again each morning. After a while they got careless and would speak of plans in front of me, saying I'd never get away and that I'd die before anything happen. I can't remember but there was something important, there was something I needed to warn you about, but I can't remember..."

"Shhh it's alright, you're here with me and you're safe, you don't need to remember now, we've got time. I love you." Clint said hugging her close so she could sob into his shirt.

"Oh gosh. Clint I'm so sorry, I should have told you, I didn't get the chance that day, I wanted to wait for dinner to make it a surprise... listen the day they took me, I took a pregnancy test, it came back positive and I thought about staying home, but I was stupid and I let myself be proud and go into that mission, I'm so sorry I... When I got shot... I lost the baby, you were going to be a daddy and it's my fault you're not. Please forgive me, I am so sorry Clint it's all my fault..." Jane broke down completely on top on Clint and he rubbed her back with tears streaming down his cheeks. He knelt in front of Jane, she looked at him crying as he took both her hands.

"Jane, after they took you, I found that little stick and I cried my eyes out, can you forgive me? I was the one who got cocky and I wasn't careful, they shot you because of me, we are not a family because of me, please tell me you can forgive me?" he said looking into her bloodshot eyes. She opened her arms for him to come forward in a hug and as he looked up she gave him a peck on the lips. It was their first kiss since she had been back into his life and it was all he could have wished for, it was the sign of forgiveness and love that he needed to know it would all be alright. She put her hands on each side of his face and kissed him again, a bit longer and just as sweet. 

"I love you." She said simply, she didn't need to add anything else because her eyes said it all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Comments and feedback are encouraged, requests will be taken into consideration. The next chapters are probably gonna be light fluff and juuuuuuuuust maybe some smut(?) I'm thinking about it. Bow chicka wow wow. I think the worst of the angst is over. For now.


	7. Rekindling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY!!!! I thought I had uploaded this chapter and it turns out I'm a giant fail and forgot to make sure it uploaded before closing down the tab... Apologies faithful reader I promise to be more careful! Hope you enjoy this relatively short yet sweet chapter and let me know what you think or things you want next.

Back when they were first dating, Jane and Clint had one of those relationships where they constantly touched each other. Clint had never been eloquent or talented at expressing his emotions and feelings, instead he opted for small gestures or light touches which were constant and reassuring to Jane. Jane was a physical person, constantly kissing, hugging, touching or moving (Clint teased her for her hyperactivity); this was the thing they missed the most when they had been ripped out of each other's lives. It was these small things that meant so much to them, it was these gestures which they missed the most now that they got each other back. Clint didn't want to go too quickly because of the traumatic experience Jane had just been through, he wanted nothing he ever did to cause her any further pain. Jane was so afraid, not of Clint obviously, but of HYDRA and them getting hold of her after she had finally found Clint again, or worse them killing Clint to get back at her. Jane yearned for Clint's reassuring touches, she wanted nothing more than his arms around her but he had been so careful so reserved with her, nothing at all like the man she remembered. She knew he must have changed whilst she was away,but the knowledge only made her even sadder, what if she had changed and he didn't want her anymore? Her mind was plagued by all these thoughts and insecurities.

"What are you thinking about babe?" Clint asked as he deposited himself on the next cushion to her of the leather sofa. Jane looked at him and gave him a weak smile which did not even reach her eyes. Jane decided to be bold and intertwine her her arm with his and leaning against his shoulder, this allowed her to hide her face from Clint's assessing gaze and get the courage you needed to ask for what you needed.

"I know this has been rough on you, but I have missed you so much, so so so fucking much every day that I was away and I can't stand it anymore. I want you to touch me to graze my cheek to grab my hand, to kiss my lips; I miss the way we were and I know it will never be the same, but I can't live with these awkward silences and half-assed attempts at being endearing when you are afraid every touch will shatter me like glass. I love you so much and want you to be you again, the you I knew and was pretty damn sure I was going to marry." Jane finished taking a shaky breath trying to control her emotions and the tears that threatened to spill out of her eyes.

"If that is what you want, I love you  and I don't want to hurt you. Ever. I love you much..." Clint said caressing Jane's cheek, leaning in to peck her lips first cautiously and then deepening the kiss when Jane allowed him to. He moved his arms to encircle her waist and hoisted her up gently to carry her bridal style to the bedroom. Jane looked him in the eyes as he lay her down on the bed, where the only sounds made were the silent rustling of lips and the occasional gasp for air. They embraced each other, Jane finally felt like things were going to work out, one step at a time she would be able to reclaim the man she had lost for so long. They fell asleep in each other's  arms, little smiles on their faces...

**3 hours later...**

"WAKE UP CLINT!" Jane screamed at him sitting up on the king sized bed, he woke up fully alert eyes darting across the room and then to her, a question in his eyes. "I remember what I had to warn you about, I'm so sorry..." Jane said, tears rolled down her cheeks as she typed the words on her phone in case the room had been bugged. Her phone read: SHIELD COMPROMISED.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry its such a short chapter but the next chapter I will try and make extra epic to make up for this unintentional hiatus I accidentally put all my works on... If for some reason you have not seen Captain America The Winter Soldier I recommend you watch it before you read the next chapter!


	8. Failed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not kill me! I have never had this much work to do in my life!   
> anyway, the usual WARNING: mentions of torture nothing graphic.

**Previously on Agent Shadow**

"WAKE UP CLINT!" Jane screamed at him sitting up on the king sized bed, he woke up fully alert eyes darting across the room and then to her, a question in his eyes. "I remember what I had to warn you about, I'm so sorry..." Jane said, tears rolled down her cheeks as she typed the words on her phone in case the room had been bugged. Her phone read: SHIELD COMPROMISED.

 

**Now**

Jane's sobs were interrupted by almost child-like hiccups. Clint's hands reached to her neck, cradling the back of her head trying to calm the imminent panic attack whilst trying to make sense of the message Jane had just given him.

SHIELD COMPROMISED.

SHIELD COMPROMISED.

He had had his suspicions, the intel had been a bit off lately, but a mole? He knew he could trust Natasha but she was... She was in SHIELD's biggest headquarters in DC in the midst of it all in some sort of assignment Fury had pulled her into. He had to warn her, he owed it to her.

Jane's sobs had quieted down as Clint caressed her cheeks softly shushing her. She started to type quickly on her phone trying to tap as quietly as possible knowing that there was every possibility of unwanted ears in the walls. Clint waited for what seemed like an eternity as the adrenaline slowed down time, the minutes passed by as Jane got visibly more and more agitated trying to type all that she needed Clint to know. She looked up at Clint tears welling over once more as she bit her lip trying to withhold the second wave of sobs that threatened to break her down once more. He took the phone, the crease between his eyebrows deepening as he grabbed the phone in one hand and wrapped Jane into his chest with his other. Jane wrapped her arms around his middle burring her face into Clint's sculpted chest. The Phone read:

_I am so sorry, I remember now. I remember why I had to run away now, I had tried before, but not like I did this time. I had to warn you. SHIELD=HYDRA. They are one and the same. The man that tortured me used to laugh when I told him SHIELD would find me, he would say they knew I was there. I told him SHIELD would help me, he said that is what they were doing in that lab. I told him SHIELD would kill him, he said he didn't plan to kill himself. He had said HYDRA has many heads, one of them is SHIELD. That was when I decided that if I was ever going to die trying to escape now was my chance, I had been stalking up on weapons. They had gotten sloppy after so long of me being there, depressed, hopeless and small; they started chatting in front of me. I stole as much as I could so I could break free and warn you, God only knew if you were alive or not but I prayed every day that you were. The irony is that I was only four blocks away from this building all along, an underground cellar._

Clint couldn't hold back any longer as his eyes teared away reading the message over and over, holding Jane tighter. Jane swore, pressed up against his heart, that she heard it break once more. How it killed him that he had searched for so long, for her to be so close all along. He had failed her. He had let her down. She had to save herself to protect him, she had escaped not for herself but for him.

"I'm so sorry, I failed you, I should have remembered earlier I should have warned you..." Jane was hushed by a kiss on her lips, tender, short and sweet. She looked up at him, the gold flecks in her green eyes sparkled with love and guilt. Clint stayed close to her face, their foreheads connected as he looked deep into her eyes through his watery eyes.

"Why are your sorry? Why are you sorry when it is me that failed, I couldn't find you, I couldn't save you, I couldn't protect you. I am so sor-" It was Jane's turn to interrupt Clint's litanies with her own soft lips on his. They held each other close, feeling for the first time since they were reunited all of the walls fall down to let each other in completely. For the first time, Jane felt her heart truly love Clint without the reminders of torture, fear or distance. Clint had not realized how much he had kept to himself, how much he had held back fearing to hurt Jane.

Jane leaned in for Clint's ear to whisper in one breath as low as she could, "Who can we trust?". Clint looked at her and shook his head, he was questioning that himself. He had to get a message to Natasha now, Steve too? Fury? Hill? His head was spinning as he tried to make sense of this new information. Jane unwrapped herself from Clint to go to the bathroom and try to compose herself,  wash her face and blow her nose. When she got back to the bed Clint was perched on the edge thinking, she got the remote for the TV to try and distract herself, she knew Clint could spend long periods of time still and thinking. After all, he was a sniper, it's part of the job description. She put on the news just when there was an interruption on the usual broadcast. The lines that ran under the breaking news scrolled across the screen.

BREAKING NEWS 

CAPTAIN AMERICA FUGITIVE WITH RUSSIAN SPY.

Jane's gasp brought Clint back from his thoughts only to stare horrified at the aerial shots of Steve and Natasha trying to run away.

He was too late to help Natasha. He had failed again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo any thoughts? Comments are greatly appreciated!


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